i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
