Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
