laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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