So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this just has baby written all over it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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