Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
