I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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