Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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