Her vagina should come with caution tape.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
