I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
