Your dad touched me again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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