I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
bring money and cleavage
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
