AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
