i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
