I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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