Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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