if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
