I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
