If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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