i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
