i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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