Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
