Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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