i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
