she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
two words...techno handjob
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
