If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And then he peed in my hair
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