it wasn't lemon gatorade
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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