how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
