Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
