"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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