Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize