my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just gargled with NyQuil
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
