The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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