SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
