My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
God, I missed his penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
