Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this just has baby written all over it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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