Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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