I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
