Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
