Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
