bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
