4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
