i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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