At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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