STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize