a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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