Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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