i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
