My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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