did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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