I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
