New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
