I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize