I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love having hate sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
