No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
