ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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