got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
