I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
