I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
