i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
