The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
