Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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