Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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