If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
