Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize