Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
