I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
