Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
